May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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