that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
