I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
