I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
