Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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