A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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