I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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