You're completely useless in the revolution.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
