he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
