youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
