My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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