Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
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He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
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She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize