Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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