my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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