It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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