How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He better not be in your backpack
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
