There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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