Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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