I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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