gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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