I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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