Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize