Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
