I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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