Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
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I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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