If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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