Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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