covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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