I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
