my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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