Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
