I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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