I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
accomplished twins. life is a go
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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