and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
