I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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