someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
