I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
