Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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