Sorry, I don't speak sober.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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