I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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