reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
