Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
