It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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