Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
