My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
