YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
