Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
