i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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