I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
