is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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