im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
