Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
