We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Sober January is a disaster.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
