I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
