you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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