Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
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this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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