Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
