now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
