took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize