Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
a search helicopter?!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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