Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
