the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
