hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
